my mistakes were made for you
by libraryghosts
Summary: She's seen frightful things. Post-Always.


She's seen frightful things. The feverous smile of a killer, the emptiness of a heart that's lost someone, the final regrets of the dead. The look in Castle's eyes as he held her while the bullet sunk into her chest and a single tear traveled down her face.

She's here now, though. They're here, protected by the soft warmth of his bed; two bodies huddled together beneath the ocean of questioning fear looming above them.

"If you want to go back, I'll support you." He speaks softly into her hair.

"I don't know if I'm ready." She says, face still buried in his chest, breathing him in. "I can't tell if I'm doing it for the right reasons."

"Kate." He rubs her back in slow circles, feeling the tension begin to dissipate. "Look at me."

She brings her gaze up to his, eyes damp with tears she won't let fall.

"You're okay. Going back to work doesn't mean falling down the rabbit hole. You're stronger than that."

"What if I'm not, Castle?" He can hear the conflict in her voice, the growing fear. "I can't go back to that. I can't be that person anymore. I'll be dead before I'm thirty-five."

He wraps his arms around her, pulls her in tighter until he can feel her heart beating in tandem with his own.

"Don't say that."

"What I'm saying is I'm not willing to risk it." She's calmer now, her breathing steadied. "I want to be a cop, but more than that I want to be alive. And I want to be with you."

"Then don't go back." He whispers against her temple, a simple suggestion.

She pauses, unable to put her thoughts into words.

"But that feels wrong too." She breaks away from him, propping herself up on an elbow. "Either way, I feel like I'm being selfish."

"Kate, taking care of yourself is not selfish. And neither is wanting to do your job."

She pauses, rolls over so that he's spooning her.

"You don't have to know right now." He whispers, gathering her hair behind her ear. "It's only been three weeks."

"I haven't said a word to Javi." She mutters into her pillow. "God, he must hate me."

"He knows you're hurting." Castle says softly, placing slow kisses along her neck. "You did what you had to do."

"I didn't have to, Castle." She replies, turning around to meet his eyes. "I should have listened to you and everyone else who told me to stop. I screwed up."

"You're right, Beckett. You did some stupid stuff." He says, bringing a hand up to cup her face. "You're stubborn and driven and that's what makes you a good cop. You just don't always know when to quit."

"Yeah. I know."

"Esposito knew what he was getting in to. You don't need to blame yourself."

She smiles at him, a silent hint of a "thank you" radiating from her eyes.

"Sometimes I wish we could just turn the world off, you know? Just forget everything for a while and stay right here." She closes her eyes, her lashes fluttering against his chest.

"Well, we can for now." He smiles, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I'm proud of you, Beckett."

"For what?" she lifts her head, searching his eyes.

"Just for letting go. I know it was hard." He whispers, his forehead pressed to hers.

"It's still hard." She admits. "But I'm trying to think of what my mom would want. I know she wouldn't want me to die trying to solve her murder."

"And you," she continues, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together, bringing their joined hands to her lips. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. And I wouldn't want you to think that you weren't enough to make me stop. Because you absolutely are. I'm in love with you and I would do anything to make this work."

He reaches for her face, pulls her into a heated kiss. The somber room begins to fill with passion, drowning their worries and inhibitions, making them ache with need.

He moves on top of her, covering her entire body with his own, taking her breath away as her words travel from his brain into his heart, his stomach, stinging him. He knows she means them but he doesn't know if they're true.

She breaks the kiss, looks at him, honesty shining through her hazel eyes.

"I know what you're thinking." she says. And once again, he is shocked by her ability to read him, by _their _ability to communicate simply with the rhythm of their bodies and the length of their breaths. "I don't want to run away from this anymore. I'm ready to be with you."

He takes her face in his hands and presses their foreheads together.

"I love you, Kate."

He moves the comforter beside them and kisses down her neck and chest, pushing her tank top up out of his way. He reaches up to roll one of her nipples between his thumb and finger, making her moan quietly.

His lips slow at the jagged scars covering her stomach, making sure to kiss each one. They're a year old and she's never told him but he knows that sometimes they still hurt her.

He draws a line of wet kisses down to her hips and she feels a fire begin to rage low in her stomach, making her arch up toward him.

He cradles her hips in his large hands and when she whispers his name he lets them go to pull her shorts and underwear down her legs.

She hums as he kisses her thighs, slowly traveling inward.

He reaches up to part her folds with one hand, lightly thumbing her clit before sliding two fingers inside of her, making her gasp.

He works her with his tongue and lips and fingers until she's gasping his name and arching her hips off the bed. Her mind fills with visions of demons and music and distant memories as she comes, her thighs quivering against his shoulders.

He intertwines their fingers and starts to kiss her belly as her breathing begins to slow. She massages her heels over the knots in his shoulders, soothing him, inviting him up to her.

He moves to lie next to her, kissing her forehead before she pulls his mouth down to hers.

"Castle?" She says, her eyes just inches from his, her breathing still slightly ragged.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for waiting for me."

He smiles at her with pure, unfiltered emotion, eyes radiating all the validation she's ever needed.

"Always."


End file.
